Trials and Tribulations

First I want to clear up some confusion first. No, I don't spend $1000 a month on shopping for clothes and shoes. I spend at least $200 a month. If i did spend $1000, I would beg my husband to just admit me to mental hospital because that would be a sickness. The $1000 includes gas for the new SUV, wasteful grocery shopping, dining out, buying breakfast/lunch at school. Is it clear now? LOL!!! Thanks for reading my posts! I know that i am compulsive/impulsive buyer that's why i still have clothes in my wardrobe that still have tags. Recognizing the problem is the big step towards personal transformation.

So I got responses from friends who doubt my ability to do this rigid diet. The thing i like about my friends is that they can tell it like it is. They know me and they don't beat about the bush and follow that friendship code that "you must support your friends even when what they are doing is to their detriment"...They are concerned about my refraining from shopping. My dear friends think i cannot do this, they care so deeply for me that they are worried that the results of this diet might send me into a dark hole of mental oblivion. They worry that I might just self-distruct, because they care, they tell me to take it one step at a time...like i am some kind of hopeless alcoholic...F that! The time to quit is now, I don't believe in taking it one day at a time...If one is to quit, quit! Walk away don't look back. Thanks for caring, what would i do without friends? Seriously, I love my friends because they tell it like it is...:)

Yes, I am scatter-brain and a little on the loopy side sometimes...but the thing about me is that I am a doer, when I set out to do something failure is not an option.I am the type A personality, the ultra ambitious, fiercely competitive and never-wanting to lose. I know I can do this...its tough but please, cut me some slack. I stopped cold turkey, and I am teetering on the edge of insanity, like a crack-head in rehab (God knows why i keep referring to crack). But this battle shall be won!

Last week i visited my cousin...My cousin lured me into the endless world of the internet; she caught me off guard. I was mentally unprepared for the adventure; Had she warned me, I would have at least armed myself. This biatch starts surfing the net for some goodie shopping. Yeah, you heard me! I was sitted there in repose next to her with my mouth agape like a zombie, as she showed me some "SALE," items that she plans to purchase that day. She knew very well what she was doing. That word alone has enough power to make my head spin. How dare she shows me these stunning boots on sale down from $99 to $49.00. The shoes were remarkable...just what i need for winter season. I was sweating profusely as i automatically mumbled the words in monotone.."I cannot buy them, I am on a diet" (not believing a word I uttered).... and what do I get in return? She laughed....correction, she shrieked like an orgasmic hyena...you know that Dr Evil laugh, yes, that haunting laugh that they use in horror movies...as she laughed, she magically transformed into 101 Dalmatian's Cruella De Vil. Her rather small head started growing horns and her teeth turned into fangs and her nails into claws. She proceeded to show me shoes in various shapes and colors. At this time I am mesmerized by the beauty of it...the various colors created a beautiful mosaic sending my head spinning. She continued to laugh at my reaction .."I told you that silly diet needs to stop. Who are you kidding?" The biatch hit the sore spots...it was like kicking a dead horse. I was not impressed with her. I gathered myself up...think Thato..think. I needed a low blow...one that will hit so low that it will silence her for life. I wanted to hit the target...directly where it hurts. So I said "You laugh now and i will be the one laughing all the way to the bank because I will be saving...hahaha!" My words instantly wiped away her grin...well at least temporarily...She came back with a blow, we were like Mohammed Ali and Joe Fraser...one blow after another and neither of us were going down...like boppy heads. No knock out after several rounds. I left her house dejected and mentally exhausted. The image of those shoes remains cemented on my head. I dream of them and i wonder sometimes if they are still available...

It does not help that sometimes I get these silly pop up ads from various online clothing stores that i used to visit...modcloth.com, bananarepublic.com, garnethill, landends...etc. These ads are remnants of my shopaholic days...not so far behind. I blocked all of those stores on email, somehow i still get the ads...always titled SALE--60% off, FREE SHIPPING...calling me back into the deep end. "You don't love me...you just love my money!"I feel like screaming at them. And then i get the catalogs in the mail. As soon as i see them...I scream BURN baby BURN and i shred them into pieces...victory shall be mine!

Shopping trip with Mom in Law

So mom in law is visiting from Kenya and of course she wants to hit the malls for essential things she needs to stock up on. Of course I am the one who has to chaperon because I am best at what i do...finding bargains!! Also, Kioko has no interest in shopping at all...so it's my duty. So this was the real test to see if this diet is for real and also to test my strength. Do I have it in me to look but not touch or even stop?
So the first store we went to was T-J Maxx!!! One of the stores i often frequent. They should just put a banner with my name in metallic gold calligraphy letters that say, Thato's J Maxx...Because deep down I know they built that store with me in mind. How else would they know that I love to pay less for high quality stuff. My motto in life has always been, "Cheap Things Are Expensive." I know that you find that hard to believe but it's true, you buy a pair of cheap shoes and they will last you a couple of months until you have to buy one more. By the time you know it, you have spent triple the amount you could have paid had you bought the quality expensive shoes. So the truth is, I don't have Donald Trump money, so no, I do not spend ridiculous amount on stuff. Nor do I have the ghetto mentality of buying brands when the bank account does not reflect what you purchase. They call that "champagne taste with beer money!" I admire people who like the finer things in life and want to be better than what they are. But I think accumulating on flashy material things is not the way. Anyway...I hate Prada, I hate Louis Vitton, and Channel but that's just me...I am not judging anyone who loves those brands; maybe one day I will if I had millions in my bank account. When i shop, I just shop for quality stuff for LESS. I always say to Kioko " You are lucky I am not a name brand person!" Kioko would state as a matter of fact, "Money is still money, you are wasting it on things you don't need." Sigh....when will men understand that women need shoes for each outfit?
Anyway, Mom in law and I head to TJ Maxx and here was a test of my inner strength! We are looking for jewelery gift for my sis in law birthday.... I see pieces that i would have automatically gravitated towards and maybe even purchased right then. I look to the right just to avoid the bleed in my heart of not being able to even try on this sterling silver vintage necklace...but low and behold I see nice silk scarfs parading themselves on a rack. I ignore a bold orange silk scarf rudely screaming for my attention. I am so annoyed that I want to shred every bit of that uncouth beast! This attention whore with her bold colors thinks that she can tempt me...but I bet if i touched her, she is nice and soft....So with all my might I focus on the task at hand. My mom in law is aware of my promise and plan to not buy anything for a year so of course I am not going to act unlady like in front of her. It would be unbecoming of me...I built up this persona of a nice daughter in law, although at times that persona is fractured a little. Hey! I am human and we all have flaws. We are often too pressured to act right in front of moms in law. I had to hold my composure and act like a refined, disciplined lady I am....mimicking the ladies from the Victorian era..
To avoid the massacre that may have unfolded, I looked to my left, there was a myriad of clothes; nice fall jackets, woolen sweaters and high knee boots... My heart starts to pump faster and I break into sweat. I look farther down and protruding from above the shelves is a big bold sign that says SALE--Summer Dresses 70% off. I temporarily lose it...I hear Mozart's Allegro playing and suddenly, my body feels as light as air and like a zombie I start moving towards that magnetic direction. Maybe sensing the imminent disaster, my mom in law calls me back to check another silver piece she thought her daughter might like. I quickly snap out of my temporary insanity and get back to reality. THOU SHALL NOT SHOP... I repeat, I am lady and a lady must keep her promise. I cannot act like a fool in front of my mother in law. She was fully aware of my year long plan and quite supportive. I needed to act right and yes, right, I acted. I left that store with a nice sterling silver necklace, matching ear rings and ring for my sis in laws fortieth birthday. My high was from getting her that gift and that was enough for me. I was so proud that i resisted the temptation with the help of mom in law, she has no idea that her presence kept me in check and I thank her for that. I hope to keep going like this for a while. It's good to save money!
I resisted the temptation.

The 48 hour rule

There is a shopping rule that says that "if you see something you desperately want to buy, wait 48 hours to get it." It has partially worked with me, but what i do is actually purchase the item and wait 48 hours to see if i like it. If I don't, then I return it. I don't know how many returns i have done if the past year. That actually makes me feel good, the only problem is that when i return, I never have the original receipt so what happens is, I get store credit and then that gives me license to shop again. Bleh....I need to work on that a little bit.

The beginning of the epic battle

I just came back from a week of vacation. My boys and I (hubby and my two young sons) spent a week in what seemed like paradise. Martha's Vineyard is a quaint island off the coast of Massachusetts situated near Nantucket and Cape Cod. I am in love with the island....its where i want to spend most of my summers just to relax, bike ride and breathe the fresh air away from the chaos and pollution of city life. While i was there i was also working on my own emotional and spiritual transformation---I am on what we call a positivity diet but its not really working out that well. I will explain it later.
Anyway, while i was there i meditated a lot about how i can improve my life and also had a honest look to what what the root cause of my subdued ummm...unhappiness. I am usually a happy person and i am in no way pre-disposed to depression. I have a sunny disposition. What makes me a little unhappy is my procrastination, mismanagement of my projects and also my shopping addiction. Shopping should be fun and yes, I get a high when i shop. Shopping is like crack to me, very bad, but very good when you do it. Not that I have done crack nor have i seen it. I know that's a bad metaphor ...ok ..to save you a cringe let me say I was like a kid in a candy store. The worst thing a store can do is to place a SALE sign in front--VILE. Stores know how to toy with my emotions...the image of a sale sign immediately excavates my brains and renders me senseless for that moment. If i know i can get something for very cheap that was originaly priced very high, I immediately grab it for the sake of buying and saving on item. Most of the time i don't need it. I don't need those three rain coats that I have accumulated over a period of a year, i don't need anymore scarfs although coming to think of it, I need that red one at Banana Republic that will match perfectly with my black and white striped sweater. I don't need any more wedges in different colors...but the idea of getting a wedge on sale gets me so excited. This is wrong in so many levels and yes, I recognize that. My husband always says "Just because its on sale does not mean you have to buy it." Yep, he is right, I usually try to justify all my purchases. "But honey, I needed this in beige and it was only $20 marked down from $200. Aren't you glad i saved some money?" My question is how is it that i remained married to this patient man for 10 years? I am amazed that he has not walked away from this hot mess. So yes, my shopping is beyond ridiculous and even i know it.. i usually get this bad after taste --like a bad hangover after a few good drinks. I realize that my shopping problem is a beast that keeps lurking in the background and i have a fear of attacking it head on. The reason why i realize i need is the amount of money i feel i can save if i stop shopping for a year. If i can save money for years and train myself to just not shop for the fun of it, imagine how rich i would be. Here is a my new saying...please quote me on this one.." Frugal people are rich." If you are frugal, you save a lot of money that means your bank account is a little fat. A fat bank account is what i desire. I am prepared to work on this problem and see if i can go a year without shopping. I have decided to strategize and plan this. So what does a year look like for me?
Here is a list of things to do to SAVE money--not WASTE money
1. No new clothes not even purchase of used clothes unless its a gift.
2. No new shoes for the entire year (ladies, you know how painful this is)
3. No new clothes for the kids unless urgently needed...ie snow shoes, gloves etc. But I must try to get some donated if possible.
4. Pack lunch to work
5. Buy produce that must be cooked for the week and buy little so things don't go bad.
6. Take back the car and get a small car that is economically good on gas but still save and fairly new.
7. No new toys for kids unless its birthday or x-mas.
8. Instead of eating out with friends, invite friends over for meals and company.
9. Do not buy one single book...borrow if you have to. Use the library for books instead.
10. Work on paying down the debt with the savings


So if i follow this strict diet, i will save a whopping $1,000. Now that will really help with the debt clearance. Per year, that's over $12,000 in savings. If this is how much I spend then its scary how much money i have wasted over the years. Its time to be sensible and frugal.
So i will blog my year of frugal savings and i hope you follow me as i attempt this demonic mammoth task. I also hope for your support and encouragement throughout this emotionally brutal but financially good period. Eyes on the prize...right. Follow my blog!