Trials and Tribulations

First I want to clear up some confusion first. No, I don't spend $1000 a month on shopping for clothes and shoes. I spend at least $200 a month. If i did spend $1000, I would beg my husband to just admit me to mental hospital because that would be a sickness. The $1000 includes gas for the new SUV, wasteful grocery shopping, dining out, buying breakfast/lunch at school. Is it clear now? LOL!!! Thanks for reading my posts! I know that i am compulsive/impulsive buyer that's why i still have clothes in my wardrobe that still have tags. Recognizing the problem is the big step towards personal transformation.

So I got responses from friends who doubt my ability to do this rigid diet. The thing i like about my friends is that they can tell it like it is. They know me and they don't beat about the bush and follow that friendship code that "you must support your friends even when what they are doing is to their detriment"...They are concerned about my refraining from shopping. My dear friends think i cannot do this, they care so deeply for me that they are worried that the results of this diet might send me into a dark hole of mental oblivion. They worry that I might just self-distruct, because they care, they tell me to take it one step at a time...like i am some kind of hopeless alcoholic...F that! The time to quit is now, I don't believe in taking it one day at a time...If one is to quit, quit! Walk away don't look back. Thanks for caring, what would i do without friends? Seriously, I love my friends because they tell it like it is...:)

Yes, I am scatter-brain and a little on the loopy side sometimes...but the thing about me is that I am a doer, when I set out to do something failure is not an option.I am the type A personality, the ultra ambitious, fiercely competitive and never-wanting to lose. I know I can do this...its tough but please, cut me some slack. I stopped cold turkey, and I am teetering on the edge of insanity, like a crack-head in rehab (God knows why i keep referring to crack). But this battle shall be won!

Last week i visited my cousin...My cousin lured me into the endless world of the internet; she caught me off guard. I was mentally unprepared for the adventure; Had she warned me, I would have at least armed myself. This biatch starts surfing the net for some goodie shopping. Yeah, you heard me! I was sitted there in repose next to her with my mouth agape like a zombie, as she showed me some "SALE," items that she plans to purchase that day. She knew very well what she was doing. That word alone has enough power to make my head spin. How dare she shows me these stunning boots on sale down from $99 to $49.00. The shoes were remarkable...just what i need for winter season. I was sweating profusely as i automatically mumbled the words in monotone.."I cannot buy them, I am on a diet" (not believing a word I uttered).... and what do I get in return? She laughed....correction, she shrieked like an orgasmic hyena...you know that Dr Evil laugh, yes, that haunting laugh that they use in horror movies...as she laughed, she magically transformed into 101 Dalmatian's Cruella De Vil. Her rather small head started growing horns and her teeth turned into fangs and her nails into claws. She proceeded to show me shoes in various shapes and colors. At this time I am mesmerized by the beauty of it...the various colors created a beautiful mosaic sending my head spinning. She continued to laugh at my reaction .."I told you that silly diet needs to stop. Who are you kidding?" The biatch hit the sore spots...it was like kicking a dead horse. I was not impressed with her. I gathered myself up...think Thato..think. I needed a low blow...one that will hit so low that it will silence her for life. I wanted to hit the target...directly where it hurts. So I said "You laugh now and i will be the one laughing all the way to the bank because I will be saving...hahaha!" My words instantly wiped away her grin...well at least temporarily...She came back with a blow, we were like Mohammed Ali and Joe Fraser...one blow after another and neither of us were going down...like boppy heads. No knock out after several rounds. I left her house dejected and mentally exhausted. The image of those shoes remains cemented on my head. I dream of them and i wonder sometimes if they are still available...

It does not help that sometimes I get these silly pop up ads from various online clothing stores that i used to visit...modcloth.com, bananarepublic.com, garnethill, landends...etc. These ads are remnants of my shopaholic days...not so far behind. I blocked all of those stores on email, somehow i still get the ads...always titled SALE--60% off, FREE SHIPPING...calling me back into the deep end. "You don't love me...you just love my money!"I feel like screaming at them. And then i get the catalogs in the mail. As soon as i see them...I scream BURN baby BURN and i shred them into pieces...victory shall be mine!